So much has been happening lately. I've felt like I've been stretched thin in a million places. I have felt like I couldn't catch a break, that just struggle after struggle kept popping up. I felt like crying all the time, and lashing out at people for just talking to me. It was affecting my home life, my relationships with my friends, and even my performance at work. I was grumpy, irritated, overly sensitive...... makes it sound like a pregnancy I know :P There were so many things going on in my life and in my head, and I didn't really talk to anyone about them. I still have many secrets :( It's not healthy, I know.
Last week.... something changed. I'm not sure what it was, or how it happened. I guess I made some realizations, and these ones actually stuck.
First off, I was constantly bitter at my friends because I felt like they just didn't care. I spent all my time worrying about them and wondering if they were ok, doing whatever I could to make them happy, and I felt ignored in return. So many people have told me that I should make new friends, and at the time, I was thinking I finally understood why. Then my thinking process changed. My friends have struggles too. They have burdens, worries, issues, and they confide in me about them. It doesn't mean their troubles are bigger than mine.... just different! How would they know how I was hurting if I didn't tell them? Knowing this has made parts of life a lot easier, and I've been able to talk to my friends with ease, and listen to them without bitterness.
The biggest change for me actually came when I was helping a friend. She was having a really bad night, and I was trying to find the right thing to say. I came across this quote:
It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will love worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers.
Gordon B. Hinckley
This quote was perfect for my friend....but it was also perfect for ME! I had been stressing about so much, worrying all the time, so much so that I was sick all the time and losing weight (though the latter issue wasn't bad... it was just done in an unhealthy way). President Hinckley reminded me that sometimes things are beyond my control. I had forgotten what I'd been taught growing up. If I do my part, the Lord will do his. True, I still struggle from time to time, and occasionally feel incredibly overwhelmed (usually at night), but I'm not a mess anymore. I feel more stable, and I've actually been really level-headed, something I've missed. I'm laughing a lot more, and smiling all the time. I'm trying to find joy in the smallest of things. If I'm making the right choices, and trying to put myself on the right path, the Lord will open doors. Things will be OK... with my friends, with my family, with my SELF.
IT WILL ALL WORK OUT <3
