Tis the Season....

Christmas is almost here! Wow! Just a quick post to say how grateful I am for my family! I have to most incredible family in the world! My friends are truly Heaven sent as well :)


My dad is absolutely wonderful. We've had our rough patches but I know, now matter what, he's my daddy. During the scariest points in my life (and there have been a few) my dad's been there, holding me or being near me.

Mom is the point of sanity in my world. She's calm and collected, but the most giving and affectionate person I will ever know. We have been through so much together, and I'll love her forever.

Although I don't see much of Morgan, Shane, and Lexie, I am able to keep up with them on Morgan's blog, and through texting her. Morgan is quite a woman! She's a mother, musician, and author! And Shane is an awesome husband and father. Lexie rules my world. Enough said.

Savannah has come to be one of my closest friends. She and I have different personalities, true, but we've gotten over our differences and look for the commonalities. She's amazing. I JUST WISH SHE HAD TEXTING!!!!!!

Brooklyn, Paris, and Liberty are just the icing on the cake. They always bring a smile to my face, and whenever I need some extra lovin, I know where to look =)

I couldn't forget my second family either. I will never able to repay Aunt Becky and Uncle Kevin for what they've done for me. They helped me get where I am, with a car, an apartment, a job. At a time when I knew who I was FINALLY, but didn't know where to go next. They stepped in. Plus I can always count on Becky for a good back rub and a chat.... and Kevin for a good wrestling match.

And my friends.... I have had some in n out friends, but I am grateful one who've stuck through it with me. Brecken and I are going on 7 years! WOOT! She and I don't have to talk all the time, but we always just know... We're besties :) Liz, is my soulmate haha. She's my double in many ways, and I can always get a laugh when we talk. I miss her though! Shailey and I sometimes don't agree on things, but what can I say? She's a part of me, and always will be. Kara, I'm so grateful I get to see her at work every day. And play outside of work too! She's always there to listen, and talk too ;)

Thanks to all others in my life! You make me strong, teach me patience, and keep me going! Happy Holidays and always remember to live, laugh, and love!

So Many Emotions

I just have to say I am SO grateful that my mom chose to keep a baby book for me. I was talking to my friend Kara about it earlier today, and decided that I'd grab it and look through it. I haven't done that in a while. I've shed many tears tonight reading the letters from my parents, the blessings from Priesthood holders, and looking at the small projects I added myself. I found this excerpt from my mom's journal that she sent in a letter to my biological mom:

"When they handed her to me, I was speechless, and so overwhelmed with emotions that I just cried! We all cried! What a miracle, a true answer to our prayers!"

And upon reading through my baby book, I discovered something that has given me 'warm fuzzies' all night. I found a special letter written to me from my dad, obviously when I was still a tiny tot because he talks about my crying spell (which existed 24/7 for the first six months of my life). Here's some of what he wrote about it :

"You and I were both up till 5:00 AM. I wasn't very happy, but that was okay because you were just a little girl and I had to be patient with you. During the night of feeding I looked into your eyes and I could see the love coming from you. I felt a special bond beginning to grow between you and I that is hard for me to explain..."

Yep, from then on I was Daddy's Little Princess, and it brought me to tears to read this touching letter.


On another note, looking through the book, I kept noticing the same name in all the documents related to my adoption. The Social worker who worked my case. I typed his name into google, and guess what?! He has a blog that he is QUITE active on! I was so excited! So I emailed him, thanking him for helping my family so long ago. It was quite amazing, I have no idea why, but I feel like he is part of my life, just for helping me and my parents find each other. And who knows?! Maybe he'd be able to help me find Tawnya Smith!

I'm Still Reeling....

So.... About a week and a half ago, I was visiting my parents... as I like to do. My mom was in the other room on the phone, and I got to talking to my dad, which is something that rarely happens. We got onto the topic of my biological mother. I told my dad that I didn't want him or my mom to think that I didn't love them or see them as my parents, but I have questions! To my surprise, my dad was very supportive. He agreed with me! This was one of the first time in a while that my dad and I had a serious, deep conversation. He's a joker :P

Anyways, when my mom came back into the room, she joined the conversation, and gave me the shocker of a lifetime. She knows the name of my birth mom! It was insane. And something unexpected happened when she gave me the name; I broke down crying. I was sobbing. And my parents were right there with me. That's the way it's supposed to be. Finding the woman who gave me life with the support from the people who've helped make my life.

Well, since then, I've done a little digging. But Tawnya Smith isn't a super unique name! I can't find her yet, but you never know..... And I want to thank my parents. They are amazing people and I have an amazing family :D I wouldn't trade them for anything. The Widmer Family IS my family, and I'm just looking to answer some questions. Wish me luck!!


PS- Thanks also to Kara, who's an adoptee and a birth mom, and her birth mom, Jeannette. You guys have helped a lot! Thanks! I love you!

It Sucks Growing Up.....

I was so excited to move out, to have a place of my own, etc. When I found Danielle and found out more about the aprtment, I thought it was a dream come true.... Who would've thought that I'd miss home so much?! I miss Brooklyn, Paris, and Lippy squealing my name when I walked through the door - although that just makes it more special now - I miss watching Mom on one of her toys (lol) and just sitting and talking. If West Ridge did anything for me, it helped me reach a whole new level with my parentsb especially my mom. And I miss dad teasing me, but I think our relationship will continue to develop. I think he misses me. I miss the pianos! Ohh how I miss just being able to sit and play! Basically? I miss home.... And I wish Neverland was a real place... Not the Michael Jackson version.... And that parents could come too. Nah its good, whats going on, I just wish it would slow down :S