BaCk On TrAcK

The past week or so has put a halt on my life, and my thoughts. I have been distracted. But, as I said I wouldn't, I didn't give up. I got through it. I sucked it up and moved on.

Now? I am back on track. I have one goal in my mind.... well... one really focused goal right now. Find my parents..... or at least find out ABOUT them. I'm not sure I'm ready to meet either of them. They have probably moved on and have families of their own. I know my dad was married, and Tanya always seemed so distant in her letters.

Regardless... I would like to know more about them. I want to know if Tanya is her real name, what she looks like, maybe find her on Facebook or something. In her letters, she said I looked like my dad. Is that still true? What does he look like? Do I have other sisters and brothers? Being one of six girls... a brother could be a lot of fun! I know Tanya's dad passed away shortly after I was born, but what about my other grandparents? Aunts and uncles? Whose features do I have? What personality traits do I copy? Where did my family come from? I have always imagined that I have relatives I can visit in Ireland... with the red hair and all :)

I have imagined hundreds of scenarios. Mom's a famous journalist or musician. I have a rock star half-brother. Dad's a millionaire and will spoil me rotten. I meet them and instantly feel at home and at peace. Ha.... dream land. I know that finding them, and if I chose meeting them, could be potentially awkward. With my dad being married to someone else, I would have to introduce myself to two families. What if he never told his family? What if Tanya never told her family that came after me?

I am going to the adoption agency this week, and requesting every single bit of information that I can. I want everything I'm legally allowed to have. I won't take no for an answer. I at least want names. I have discovered Facebook to be a glorious way of "re-connecting." With a correct name, it would be simple.

I love my family, the one that I was raised in. They have offered their full support of my quest. I really really really love them.

I know who I am... but it's past time to find out where who I am came from.