To Wish You Were Someone Else Is To Waste The Person You Are

"To Wish You Were Someone Else Is To Waste The Person You Are."

I must admire the brilliance of Kurt Cobain. Not only was he a great musician, he was a great intellectual as well. I read this quote earlier this week, and it has been sticking with me. Lately, I have been hating who I am. I'm just going to be honest. I see the success of my friends, and my family, and people I don't even know, and I can't help but wish to trade places. Actually, I wouldn't wish my situation upon anyone, so I'd rather just BE them, no trading necessary. I don't mean to be a downer, but that's just the way things have been. I may be successful in work and school, but that is not all there is to living life.

I think of the song from Jewel "What You Are." It goes along the lines of "I give love to others, but I give myself hell." I am always encouraging my friends, telling them how amazing they are, seeing in them what they don't see in themselves. I will never call my friends ugly, or stupid (unless they truly deserve the title haha) and I'll NEVER ever discourage their ambitions and dreams. But.... it's quite the opposite story when people try to do that for me. I shun compliments, I keep my complaints to myself, and I rarely open up to people.

So, as I said before, that quote has been sticking with me. Some changes have been happening in my life. There have been deaths, the creation of life, moving away, moving back, everything. I have gained new friends, and lost old ones. Change is inevitable. And instead of wishing I were someone else, I am trying to "Be the change  [I] see in the world".... or at least in other people. I'm trying to stop putting myself down, and I'm looking to make new friends, and be more adventurous. Hopefully  I will be able to open up a little more and trust more than myself.

School is over, and I've gotten good grades! That's good thing #1! I'm losing weight at a consistent rate, and people have actually started commenting on it! It honestly never feels real when it's only myself noticing it. So that's good thing #2! I have amazing friends. One is always with me making me laugh, and another is always texting me, lifting me up. She even wrote a blog about me! I have more friends other places, but these two have been my lifeline to sanity.... or maybe it's insanity. Good thing #3! I have an incredible family, and I couldn't ask for more from them. Distance is hard (2 sisters living 4 hours away :/) but I do what I can. I think they might be getting sick of my phone calls. I am so blessed to have a tight knit extended family too. Good thing #4! I just got a letter from my cousin Josh in Portugal, and I've written letters to Skyler in Brasil and Taylor in Guatemala. Good thing #5!

I'm not going to wish I was someone else. I'm going to change myself into the person I know I can be. I'm going to love myself. Who knows? Maybe other people will some day be inspired by me!

:)